This song gives me all the feelings. Literally all of them. Do you ever discover a song and it’s so good you keep putting off leaving your house or going to sleep so you can keep listening to it over and over? That was me,November 2009, in Italy, listening to this song. I got to class the next day and pretended to be less tired than I was because there is no dignified way to say, “Oh, I was up until four am listening to my favorite musical theater actor singing a song about collegiate drinking problems.”
i was supposed to go to bed early tonight and instead i stayed up making a playlist.
And I would like to share it with you. The tone for this is sort of “it’s the end of March/there’s sun again/I am terrified of the future/these songs make me feel like it’s slightly less scary.” (Tomorrow I might make the other version of this playlist, and the tone will be more “nothing is scarier than thinking about life after May 22 and I have no skills or talents and I just want to lie around in a state of post-college ennui forever.” I anticipate that it will have a lot of Rilo Kiley, because, obviously.) Anyway, download some of it or all of it or just contemplate how I have really awful taste in music and how little I am embarrassed about it.
So: songs for when it’s the end of March and you’re trying so hard to remember that you are smart and funny and deserve to exist. (http://www.mediafire.com/?8wkq3jjlcqq3f) (Also, I worked really hard figuring out this order so you should respect it/feel bad for me.)
Liz Phair, “6’1” it’s cold and rough and i kept standing 6’1” instead of 5’2”
Motion City Soundtrack, “The Future Freaks Me Out” i rock too fast for love, i’m footloose in my velcro shoes
Kate Nash, “Mouthwash” and this is my body no matter how you try and disable it yes, i’ll still be here
Jimmy Eat World, “A Praise Chorus” i’m on my feet, i’m on the floor, i’m good to go all i need is just to hear a song i know i wanna always feel like this was mine
Ryan Adams, “Gonna Make You Love Me” this old world, well it was mine to take faith can keep you warm, but i’ll teach you how to shake
Tegan and Sara, “Come On Kids” we’ve got cities to visit we’ve got trees we’ve yet to live in
K’naan, “Waving Flag” (this song is about soccer and I do not care) when i get older, i will be stronger they’ll call me freedom, just like a waving flag
Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, “Nikorette” i’m just trying to stay a human being sitting in the sun, eating ice cream
Jack’s Mannequin, “La La Lie” well i’ve got friends who la la la lie will help me pull through la la la lie
Regina Spektor, “Dance Anthem of the 80’s” and i am one of your people but the cars don’t stop
Tori Amos, “Silent All These Years” i got something to say you know but nothing comes yes i know what you think of me you never shut up
Kid Cudi, “Up Up and Away” in the end they’ll judge me anyway so whatever
Patrick Stump, “Spotlight (New Regrets)” oh nostalgia, i don’t need you anymore the silent days are over and the beat is at my door
Childish Gambino, “Not Going Back” now you’re paying attention, pick your fuckin’ face up when i wanna be a superhero i just wake up renaissance man with a hollywood buzz i refuse to go back to not liking who i was
Holla lady. It's lea! You narrowed in on a thesis? what is it?!
Hay girllllll. It’s so fortuitous that you started following me right after I had posted about Jane Gerhard, just saying.
Oh, you know, my thesis is just… about slash fanfiction. It’s also fortuitous you asked me this because I just wrote my abstract for my symposium talk, and here it is!
Gender, Sexuality, and Fanfiction: Writing Sex on the Internet
In an age where Facebook boasts 500 million users and people are more likely to write an email than send a letter, it is no surprise that young people are also using the Internet to explore their sexuality and desires. Despite this, there is relatively little feminist scholarship on Internet communities and websites for slash fanfiction. Fanfiction stories borrow characters, settings, and plotlines from pre-existing texts, such as television programs, films, and literature, and re-imagine them. Slash fanfiction follows this format, but it additionally involves a romantic storyline between two characters of the same sex. Sometimes one or both of these characters are queer in the original text, but more likely, both characters are explicitly or implicitly portrayed as heterosexual in the original material. Previous research has indicated that, while most slash fanfiction involves a romantic and often graphically sexual relationship between two men, the majority of writers and readers of slash are overwhelmingly female.
Through ethnographic research, this project explores why women, especially young women, are so interested in slash fanfiction. In keeping with slash fans’ main method of interaction, all of my research was conducted online. It consisted of both an online survey as well as more direct interviews with participants. While some of my findings were consistent with prior research in the field—for example, about 92% of my participants identified as female—I was also surprised to find that women (as well as some men) have extremely diverse reasons for their enjoyment of slash. Some fans enjoy slash because it allows them to focus on two male characters, both of whom they can feel attraction towards. Similarly, both queer and straight fans want to enjoy a form of erotica that does not involve females and therefore cannot objectify or subjugate women. Femslash, which features romantic relationships between female characters, is also enjoyed by both queer and straight women. Because slash is a form of erotica that women write, edit, and publish online themselves, it acts as an alternative form of literary pornography for women.
The slash community online is a female-dominated space, which is very rare online. On sites for slash, women feel free to declare their sexuality as they see fit, or even not to declare it at all. Young women in particular use slash sites to understand their own sexual desires and to make friends who support them as they do so. Slash also allows fans to create a space for queer characters in texts that may not have any, which allows queer fans to feel more represented in their favorite programs, films, or books. Although some fan studies scholars have argued that slash appropriates queer experience, my research demonstrates that slash ultimately acts as a positive force in the lives of fans by allowing them a space to explore their sexuality, find community, and further experience the texts they love.
This is maybe the worst summary of anything ever but my thesis is so long! And I have so many ideas! And I can’t condense it into a fifteen-minute presentation, and I can’t condense a fifteen-minute presentation into a three-paragraph abstract, and everything’s the worst.
i have no shame about how much i like the sex and the city movie.
Because I own it. The first one, not the second one. I didn’t even see the second one, but the first one is like… every good part of the television show at once, and that’s what I’m falling asleep to tonight, not Tori Amos. Sorry Tori, I love you more than life but sometimes you have to enjoy things that are pointless, you know?
My favorite professor of all time is a foremost scholar in the intersections of Sex and the City and feminism. She’s on sabbatical this year, and I’ve been inwardly debating for two months whether or not I should invite her to my symposium, but I’m terrified. What if she can’t come? What if she does come, and then she hates my thesis? WHITE GIRL PROBLEMS.
“As a society, we encourage girls and women to be emotionally accessible, and in touch with their feelings; we say that it’s an innately feminine trait. We say it, that is, until they have feelings that make us uncomfortable, at which point we recast them as melodramatic harpies, shrieking banshees, and basket cases.”—
I have loved Tori Amos since I was twelve and I have no shame about it. Brb, going to fall asleep listening to “Hey Jupiter” and thinking about how Tori is so much better at sorting out the universe than I will ever be.
#feeling what penis envy must be like everytime my page count goes up; mine is bigger than yours
#55pages 55pages if my thesis were a person it would qualify for senior discounts at select retailers
#this will be over in 5 weeks
#when this is over I will have nowhere to live and nothing to do
#senior year 2011
mad’s this is for you.
ARIEL ARIEL THIS IS MY WHOLE LIFE. THIS IS MY WHOLE LIFE. YOU’VE SUMMED IT UP PERFECTLY AND ALSO WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME OVER AND GET DRUNK AND WATCH PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TONIGHT? (I COULD JUST TEXT YOU AND I WILL BUT THIS IS MORE FUN AND ALSO I LOVE YOU.)
"Which is why," concluded Mr. Nancy, as they drove into Humansville, Missouri (pop. 1084), "the exact center of America is a tiny run-down park, an empty church, a pile of stones, and a derelict motel."
"Hog farm," said Czernobog. "You just said that the real center of America was a hog farm."
"This isn’t about what it is," said Mr. Nancy. "It’s about what people think it is. It’s all imaginary anyway. That’s why it’s important. People only fight over imaginary things.”
"My kind of people?" asked Shadow. "Or your kind of people?"
Courtney and Kurt went out walking and came upon a dead bird. Kurt pulled three feathers off the animal and passed one to Courtney, holding the other two in his hand. “This is for you, this is for me, ” he said. And then holding the third feather in his hand he added, “and this is for our baby we’re gonna have.” She laughed and later remembered this as the point when she first fell in love with him.
I have a lot of feelings about Kurt Cobain but let’s not over-romanticize his relationship with Courtney. Imagine that you were on a date with someone and they picked feathers off a dead bird and then proposed that you bear their child. I mean.
"It’s almost hard to believe this is in the same country as Lakeside,” he said.
Wednesday glared at him. Then he said, “It’s not. San Francisco isn’t the same country as Lakeside any more than New Orleans is in the same country as New York or Miami is in the same country as Minneapolis.”
“Is that so?” asked Shadow, mildly.
“Indeed it is. They may share certain cultural signifiers—money, a federal government, money—it’s the same land, obviously—but the only things that give it the illusion of being the same country are The Tonight Show and McDonald’s.”
Sometimes I think that being Catholic is probably a boon. You can learn to live with guilt and complicity as a second skin, and hopefully let it not lead you into temptation or rash decisions. You perform your penance, not visit it on others.
#destroy yourself not others #it drives you to drink though #not like catholics havent been awful
“Destroy yourself not others” has been one of my biggest post-Catholicism Issues-with-a-capital-I. I’m trying to turn it into “be good to yourself and others” but damn that many years of training is hard to reverse.
Sometimes I try to explain Catholic guilt to people, and they sort of stare at me blankly. It’s not just a 30 Rock joke! It happens! “Destroy yourself not others” is the perfect hashtag for all of Catholicism and also all of my entire life.
once, for a high school sociology class, i wrote a paper about pop-punk anti-suicide songs because i was (am) fascinated by them.
I have been trying to get a professor to let me write a paper about the gender politics of emo music for four years. I have not yet succeeded, although I’m really working on Chaia to let it be my final project for senior seminar. I thought about writing my thesis about it, but I figured it would make a really good twenty-page paper or a fairly shitty seventy-page paper. All of the bands I liked in high school like have somewhat, uh, terrible views of women. Do you ever want to dig out your ex-girlfriend’s eyeballs with spoons? I suggest Saves the Day. Do you want to stalk the girl you like? Fall Out Boy. Are you scamming on high school girls when you’re 30? Dashboard Confessional. I could do this for hours. Emo music is the Madonna/whore complex set to pop-punk guitars.